Kathleen Sloan

Lyrics ©2013 by Bill and Gretchen Roper
TTTO: "P.F. Sloan" by Jimmy Webb

For our trip to FilkONtario, I hauled the iPod out and let it merrily play through the various tunes that I've ripped from our CD collection. Eventually, it hauled out "P.F. Sloan", a Jimmy Webb song that was being covered by The Association. And Gretchen started constructing alternate lyrics.

I figured this might be worth finishing. Gretchen was skeptical, noting that this was a pretty obscure song, so no one would be familiar with the original, but I told her we'd just have to make sure it was funny anyway.

We finished it up on Saturday, I transcribed the lyrics and took them down to show to Judith. "Could Gretchen and I please sing this right before the Interfilk auction? It seems like the best place for it."

Judith read through the lyrics, declared them funny, and said, "Sure!"

I had to keep Howard from dismantling the sound setup on stage before the auction, as he was trying to get ahead on work.

"You need two mics and a direct in for the Interfilk auction?"

"Yes. You'll see."

"OK..."

And so we sang the song. Which seemed to go over pretty well. Kathleen liked it...

Na na na na na na na na na na na.
Please sing this song.
Please sing this song.

I have been hearing Kathleen Sloan
At every filkcon I have known.
You’ve probably heard the songs
Our fannish doctor’s singing.

Now you might laugh at what you’ve seen
And you might moan at our Discipline Queen.
You just smiled and let the cameras roll
At what she’s wearing.
Yeah, look at what she’s wearing.

(Chorus)
Na na na na na na na na na na na.
Please sing this song.
Yes, people, won’t you sing this song?
Na na na na na na na na na na na.
Please sing this song.
We wrote it for Kathleen Sloan.
Oh, come on, sing along.

I want a cure for all my ills
That’s of the kind that Walgreen’s fills.
Progenitorivox
Kathleen’s prescribing,
But I can’t read her writing.

A new race for us to greet,
But from their heads down to their feet
They’re entirely made of meat.
Meat that’s singing.
Oh, listen to meat singing.

(Chorus)

The last time I saw Kathleen Sloan
Was at the bead store all alone.
She said, “Take it back!”
But what was she returning?
Oh, what was she returning?

(Chorus twice)

Na na na na na na na na na na na.
Please sing this song.
We wrote it for Kathleen Sloan.